Since I didn’t get any question this week (please send in your questions here) I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about why men should learn how to have sex. Teaching men about sex is one of my biggest passions (even Italy’s best pizza fade in comparison. I know, I sampled some of it this summer).
Sex is important to men. Much
more important than most women realize.
When men hear that I am a sex
therapist they often take the opportunity to open up about how they feel regarding
sex. This happens in all sorts of places, over dinner, during long plane rides,
even in the supermarket.
Men have repeatedly and with great gusto told me how strongly they feel about sex. They have also shared different reasons why sex plays such a big role in their lives. I have a better clue than most women about how men work when it comes to sex, and I love to help people.
So Why is Sex so Important for Men?
There are many reasons why sex is so important to men. It’s through sex men show love. It’s through sex men feel desired. Of course, sex is not the only way to access those feelings, but it’s one of the most important and profound ways men get in touch with this side of themselves.
Making love to their woman also gives men a sense of coming home. They relish in her pleasure, in being the one who brings her all that pleasure. Sex is the reward men look forward to after a difficult day.
But if sex was only something
connected to safety and love it wouldn’t be as big part of men’s life’s as it
Because sex is also the flip side of the coin. Sex is an adventure, a way to make life exciting. An excursion into the unknown. Sex is a risk and a thrill.
Basically, sex is everything we love about life. It’s the excitement and the reward, it’s also the safe place where we come to rest and to get energy. Sex is both the source for inspiration and the final destination.
For both men and women sex is a celebration to life.
Most People Don’t Have the Sex Life of their Dreams
Despite the immense weight men put on sex, a lot of men are generally speaking not good at sex. Or at least not even close to as good as they have the potential to become.
The reason for this is a simple misunderstanding. Sex is not something most people associate with learning and training. Sex is not something most people have studied. We just expect it to be there, to serve us. It’s one of the most important parts of our lives but we rarely take the time to develop our ability. That gap between what sex means to us and our skill level is one of the reason why men should learn how to have sex.
Can You Learn How to Become a Better Lover?
Some men I have talked with have even been baffled by my claim that sex is an area, that just like a skill, is possible to improve. They spend hours in the tennis court working on their backhand but zero minutes studying different fingering techniques.
When it comes to sex, they have a “take it or leave it” approach. The way they make love is something a woman just have to accept. In the same way she has to accept their hair color and penis shape and everything else they simply can’t change. And in the same way, the way they have sex, is something that they themselves just have accepted.
This baffles me.
And yes, I always do try to make them change their perspective.
Time to Improve
I have often wondered why men
are so unwilling to learn about something that is so important for them.
One of the reasons I have come up with, is that the things that are closest to our heart, the things that really matters, are the things that’s hardest for us to be humble about. Most men want to think that they already know what they are doing. They want to think that what they are doing is good enough.
Even if what you are doing is
good enough, which frankly speaking, it most likely is.
That is not a reason to not improve, to seek new knowledge, to try and become the best possible version of yourself. Because I can also tell you that with a bit of knowledge and training you will be able to give your woman (or any women) better and more intense erotic experiences. You will be able to bring her to places of immense pleasure and joy.
Doesn’t that sound great?
This is why I think men should learn how to have sex.
Women Want to Be Led
Another reason why it’s so important for men to learn how to have sex is that sex is an area where women still want to be led. Thus, you as a man, have the power to decide if the sex is going to be mind-blowing our just average and easily forgotten. Your ability to take charge and lead, to be creative and passionate, are crucial for the experience both of you have.
A man who is a great lover can take a woman and lead her to more sexual pleasure then she ever had before. And all of you have the potential to become that special man.
I know you want to.
And I want to help you get there.
Women Love Sex
Sex is equally important to women. And yet so many men feel like sex is something that they are trying to get from women. I know this frustration from all unrequested confessions I have received from men I met. Over dinner, during long plane rides, even in the supermarket, everywhere men have told me that the woman in their life doesn’t seem to be so interested in sex anymore. Their sadness and frustration are always palpable.
This is indeed a complicated problem because generally speaking, men want more sex than women. This article by Unheard analyses this question more in depth.
But the solution to this problem is not to look elsewhere for sex, as so many men end up doing.
Become an Amazing Lover
One of the solutions instead is to become an amazing lover. And to work on the sex, both on your own skills as well as something you do and try to enhance together with your woman.
This may not save the sex
life. But it’s the only way forward. And to be great in bed is something that
will serve you in all your intimate relationships with women.
To be able to give a woman more pleasure then she ever has experienced before, will take you away from the mindset that sex is something you are trying to get from her. Instead you will know that sex is something you are giving to her. And you will know that sex with you is a great gift.
How do You Get There?
To become better at something you
have to practice. Think about all those long summer evening you spent with your
friends playing your favorite sport. You practiced, a lot. You didn’t want to
go home. And for all of us who wasn’t sporty, we practiced immensely on our
But to actually become better, practice alone is not enough. You also have to know how to practice right. Competence leads to confidence. The kind of confidence that women feel drawn too and that will create a deep attraction with the right woman.
Here is a great blog post to get your journey of to a good start: How to Get Better in Bed for Guys. Make sure you read this article also; 5 Sex Tips for Men That Will Take Your Sex Game to The Next Level . And if you really want to advance fast, I recommend The Master Key.
Different Women Need Different Techniques
However, all women are different, so even if you indeed have perfected a couple of methods and techniques, which I’m sure you have. It’s still going to be a journey if you plan to have sex with more women.
For every new woman you sleep with you are going to learn new things. Be open to her preferences and keep developing your skills. To satisfy a woman is, at times, a bit tricky. Sometimes we women, don’t know ourselves what we need or what we like. That’s why men need to learn how to have sex.
An Amazing Journey
If you plan to keep the same woman for the rest of your life, learning how to have sex is equally important. You want to make sure you have a varied repertoire and lots of different techniques that keep both you and your wife amazed and satisfied.
If you want to have a great sex life in your long-term relationship, it’s important that you know how to spice things up. You may have to work even harder on experimenting and learning. And you also need to work together with your woman and have an open communication. But do not despair, it’s going to be a fantastic journey full of discoveries and emotions and conversations. Full of mind-blowing sex.
Men should learn how to have sex to make their woman happy. Men should learn how to have sex to make themselves happy.
I’m Olivia Isabey, licensed sex therapist and a freelance content creator with a genuine passion for writing. Once a week I will answer your questions at The Pleasure Keys. So if you have any question regarding sex, don’t hesitate to post them to me here. When I’m not freelancing, I’m an enthusiastic long board surfer and Ashtanga lover.