I have a bit of an unusual question. My girlfriend has said that she is interested in trying anal sex. I have the feeling she has previous knowledge. I myself have never tried it and I do feel a bit insecure and hesitant around this particular act.
What is the thing I need to know to be able to give her, and myself, a nice experience?
The anal novice.
My Answer to Girlfriend Wants Anal
Hi anal novice.
I actually get this question from time to time. More women than you might realize are curious about experimenting with anal pleasure.
When it comes to sex you should only do things you feel interested in, but from the sound of your question, you seem open to giving it a go.
Let’s find out everything there is to know about anal sex, and I feel confident that you will be able to deliver. Anal sex might seem intimidating, but it’s not complicated. In fact, it’s rather natural.
Why we like anal sex
People like anal sex for all sorts of reasons. For example, anal sex feels naughty and forbidden. Here is a good article about what different women think and feel regarding anal.
Some men like it because it gives them a different tighter feeling. Some women like it because we as humans have a lot of sensitive nerve-endings around and inside that area. Maybe your girlfriend wants anal sex because she thinks you are going to like it?
The fact that your girlfriend wants anal sex is a fun opportunity to explore something new together as a couple.
Ask her About her Interests in Anal Sex
Talking about sex is an important component of having amazing sex. A conversation is the best way to find out what your girlfriend wants and likes.
Since your girlfriend brought up the subject and has told you that she wants anal, she is confident in talking about anal sex. That’s a good start.
Prepare by Having an Open Conversation
Before you dive in, so to speak, it’s a good idea to find out more about her relationship with anal sex. You will be more prepared to deliver the right experience, the more you know.
Ask why she wants to try it. Also, ask what kind of expectation she has and if she has any preferences when it comes to the act itself.
Cleanliness and Anal Sex
Many people feel that anal sex might not be totally fresh and sanitary and therefore they are hesitant to try.
If that is you, no need to worry, since that part of the rectal passage is clean most of the time. Poop only travels there when it’s time to go to the bathroom.
There is Such a Thing as an Internal Shower for Your Anal
If you are still hesitant to try anal sex because of this aspect, in other words, you might not want to dip your willy in poop, you can use an anal douche. This tool showers the anal canal.
Most people also take a shower or bath beforehand.
Another alternative is to use a condom. Discuss with your girlfriend and find out a solution both of you are comfortable with.
Engage in Plenty of Foreplay
Anal sex, just like any other sex, becomes better after a big dose of foreplay.
Kiss, cuddle, tease, and engage in oral sex. In other words, do everything you usually do and take your time. There is no need to rush to the main dish.
The more excited your girlfriend is, the better the anal sex will be. The hornier she is the easier it will be to slowly push yourself inside.
Warm up the Area
Foreplay for anal sex also includes warming up the area around and inside the rectal passage.
The sphincter muscle is what keeps the anal “closed.” This muscle can slowly be opened and expanded by first using a finger and then a couple of fingers or a toy.
This area is, as mentioned before, rich in nerve endings and that’s why stimulation feels so good and exciting.
When you warm up the area, start with shallow penetration before you go deeper.
Use a Toy
If you are not comfortable using your fingers, no need to worry because this area responds very well to all sorts of toys. Nowadays there are more anal toys than there are snowflakes in a winter storm.
Anal stimulation is nice and exciting so do treat your girlfriend to her own anal toy. If she is interested in anal sex, this is a great gift idea.
Start with a small toy and work your way up to bigger toys.
Anal Sex Should Feel Good
The most important thing to remember when you deliver anal sex is that anal sex should not feel painful.
A bit of resistance is natural when you try to push yourself inside, but if your girlfriend feels too uncomfortable you should backtrack and do more warming up and massaging of the area.
The reason why anal sex can feel unpleasant is that the muscles around the area are tense. To deal with this tension, different toys help to relax the muscles.
Take Things Slow and Apply Lots of Lube
Now is the time for the main event; the penetration. There is lubes especially targeted for anal play, I recommend using one of them since they last longer. This area is not self-lubricating, so keep applying more lube if the feeling is too dry.
Push yourself inside slowly, start with the head of your penis. Keep your thrusting slow and gentle and you should be able to go all the way.
Best Positions for Anal Sex
To start having anal sex in a mild and comfortable way I recommend the spoon position. Both of you are comfortable and relaxed and the penetration can happen very slowly.
If your woman wants to be in full control you can try the lap dance position. You sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair and your girl can slowly lower herself onto your penis.
Another favorite anal sex position is doggy style, since it’s easy for the man to put the right amount of pressure in that position.
Do try a couple of different positions to find out what feels good for you.
Combine Anal Sex with All the Bells and Whistles
Just because you are focusing on going in the backdoor doesn’t mean you should forget about everything else that makes sex such a great experience.
Depending on the position you can still kiss your girlfriend, and look her in the eyes. If you are penetrating from behind, you can kiss her neck. Make sure you are emotionally connected during the act.
If your girlfriend likes it, anal sex is great to combine with talking dirty.
Anal Sex can be Romantic
You might associate anal sex with porn, but this is only one part of anal sex. Yes, it can be naughty and rough, but anal sex is also very intimate and romantic.
It’s an experience both women and men can feel is fulfilling, stimulating and highly erotic.
If your girlfriend wants anal sex, do explore the romantic aspect. Put on some nice music, light candles and give your girlfriend a massage.
Talk After Having Anal Sex
After having a new and unusual sexual experience it’s always good to have a post-talk. This way you increase the trust and intimacy in your relationship.
You are also building the sort of communication that opens up the possibility to explore different other types of sex together with your girlfriend. This is the type of communication that also will make the sex better and better.
Ask her what she liked about the experience, what she would want more off, and if there was something she didn’t vibe with. Also, share how you experienced the anal sex.
There you go, now you know a bit more about what to do if your girlfriend wants anal sex.
Go out and practice what you learned, if both of you are open to it, anal sex can be erotic and naughty in the best possible way.
Having a go at it will increase the trust and intimacy in your relationship.
If you want to know even more specifc techniques for introducing anal sex, Joe Nathan has a great guide and lots of tips in The Master Key.
I’m Olivia Isabey, a licensed sex therapist and a freelance content creator with a genuine passion for writing. Once a week I will answer your questions at The Pleasure Keys. So if you have any questions regarding sex, don’t hesitate to post them to me here. When I’m not freelancing, I’m an enthusiastic longboard surfer and Ashtanga lover.